he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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