Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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