highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
