DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
