So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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