Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
