i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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