I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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