I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
