I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
