I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
