I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
