Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
