haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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