I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
