Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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