Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
