I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
