so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
