Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
