Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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