I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
