ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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