I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
