Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
