Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
