k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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