i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My breasts were aching with rage.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
