she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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