I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
