last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
