There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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