I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
