I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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