we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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