3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing