I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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