umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
