I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
