I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
