brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
