there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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