Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
