She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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