So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
