I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
