im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They are going to name an STD after you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
