what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
