I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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