how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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