remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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