Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
