I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
