To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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