I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
