I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
