My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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