Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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