just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
