She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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