hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
