I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
